Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Not Again!

Here I am, living yet another baby-less month. This month, I'm very sad. I'm not a sad gal- I find happiness in all situations- but I just can't make a joke this time.
I'm starting to believe that God doesn't want this to happen for us. I feel like I'm supposed to T be learning patience, and faith. I know that the BIG PLAN exists for me, that God has me in the palm of His hand, and that He has a reason and season for it all- but I am so sad. I want this. I want a little family of three. My loving husband deserves so much to be a daddy. And he's sad too. He even suggested I might go to the doctor. I'm not ready to face that yet. I don't want something to be wrong.
I'm trying to listen to my positive friends: they all talk about how we have had such a stressful lifestyle since we started trying to conceive- the house was for sale, then sold, then living in the dreaded basement. Everyone just says "oh, yeah, for SURE it will happen any second now that you are in your new house", like being in our great house is supposed to solve everything. Truth is, I feel exactly the same way, stress-wise, as I did when we weren't selling/in limbo/living in hell/moving. I've been stressed before, and I don't feel that way right now. I don't really feel stressed about being pregnant at all. I just feel upset that I'm not. I can't figure it out.
I've got a great husband, who I am so in love with lately you can't even believe it. Our relationship is awesome, we've almost hit the year mark! I love my house and family, I'm thankful for where we are living and am looking forward to getting back to teaching soon... SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!??????????????
Angry and sad, that's how I feel. I can't stop thinking about it.
So I ask the experts out there in blog land- should I see the doc? Has anyone ever tried any of those fertility drugs they sell on babycenter.com? Please prayer for me, and give any advice!


Ann said...

my sis-in-law has problems ovulating and she went to the doctor and they got her a prescription that she took one time, ovulated and got pregnant. I say it doesn't hurt to just go in and talk to someone. But definitely try to relax and not worry because that NEVER helps :)

LOVE you!

Sara said...

I wish I had some advice for you, but I haven't been through this before. Just know that I am thinking of you and praying for you as well. Congratulations on your new home!

Bagheerajane said...

I found your blog through a friends (Kerry) and just want you to know that I will pray for you. I don't know you're whole situation, but seeing a doctor can't hurt. Maybe you're scared because it might make it seem like an "official" problem by acknowleging it to a doctor, but there is a lot that can be done to help with a solution. Take care and I wish you the best.

cougchick said...

Hang in there honey! Prayers are heading out from my house...

secret agent said...

please don't buy drugs without seeing a doctor.... in my case, the drugs made things worse... proper tests weren't done first.
Fertility blend is a natural herb that you can get at GNC and people have had a lot of success with that.
and there are opk kits... over the counter
Good Luck.... been there, done that
It's hard.... and no God doesn't have it out for you.... he's too busy trying to teach us lessons this way.

Ms. Dragonfly said...

Hi Hearts to the East sent me over here..... not sure if your of with a stranger joining your personal blog here, but for what it's worth, we TTC'ed a long time.
It sucks. Nothing eloquent to say about it. It hurts, it's an emotional rollercoaster. Every body twinge is a sign of pregnancy. The dream gets beaten down each month.
Just want you to know you're not alone. We gave up after afw procedures (undiagnosed IF) and chose adoption as it was always a frint runner for us anyhow. We now have a 4 year old boy and a baby girl in China.
The road will unbend for you and you will find your way. You aren' alone.

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