Here I am, living yet another baby-less month. This month, I'm very sad. I'm not a sad gal- I find happiness in all situations- but I just can't make a joke this time.
I'm starting to believe that God doesn't want this to happen for us. I feel like I'm supposed to T be learning patience, and faith. I know that the BIG PLAN exists for me, that God has me in the palm of His hand, and that He has a reason and season for it all- but I am so sad. I want this. I want a little family of three. My loving husband deserves so much to be a daddy. And he's sad too. He even suggested I might go to the doctor. I'm not ready to face that yet. I don't want something to be wrong.
I'm trying to listen to my positive friends: they all talk about how we have had such a stressful lifestyle since we started trying to conceive- the house was for sale, then sold, then living in the dreaded basement. Everyone just says "oh, yeah, for SURE it will happen any second now that you are in your new house", like being in our great house is supposed to solve everything. Truth is, I feel exactly the same way, stress-wise, as I did when we weren't selling/in limbo/living in hell/moving. I've been stressed before, and I don't feel that way right now. I don't really feel stressed about being pregnant at all. I just feel upset that I'm not. I can't figure it out.
I've got a great husband, who I am so in love with lately you can't even believe it. Our relationship is awesome, we've almost hit the year mark! I love my house and family, I'm thankful for where we are living and am looking forward to getting back to teaching soon... SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!??????????????
Angry and sad, that's how I feel. I can't stop thinking about it.
So I ask the experts out there in blog land- should I see the doc? Has anyone ever tried any of those fertility drugs they sell on babycenter.com? Please prayer for me, and give any advice!