Friday, February 26, 2010
So I left school to pick her up, with KK following close behind, both of us panicked but trying not to freak out until we saw her... we ended up in the E.R.- she was so brave when the doctor examined her and didn't even cry when he was snooping around her mouth! Turns out she just took a pretty good chunk out of the bottom of her tongue - but it will heal... pretty quickly as tongues tend to do. I was so thankful she didn't do anything to mess with her speech patterns, or hit a major artery to render stitches. I stayed home with her the rest of the day- and even though she was in a lot of pain (remember, teething +mouth injury), she did get to have a special treat of an orange slushy and ended up being a pretty good little trooper.
She was back to her old, happy go lucky, funny self this morning, so we sent her off to daycare with her lunchbox packed full of "squishy foods"... which she is not too happy about as the girl really enjoys herself some crackers :)
Oh, the drama of being a parent.. .and I'm sure it's just beginning!
... and in the mean time, this little baby girl in my belly is giving me alotta trouble! She is a mover and a shaker, and she is cramping my style big time (I'm sure she feels the same way). I feel like I'm getting beat up from the inside! She is also sitting really low- she is actually pushing my cervix down so far that I can physically see and feel the difference (sorry, that was a little TMI) and my sciatic nerve is causing both of my legs to go numb throughout the day! Oh, and Braxton Hicks...Fun stuff... glad I've got 2 months of this left!
AND softball tryouts start today, so tons of time standing on my feet beyond my normal work day- why do I do this to myself?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
After posting my blog, I felt like I had sorted out MY feelings, and knew exactly where I stood concerning the issue. KK was still trying to sweep everything under the rug: i.e. he wrote me an email asking what I wanted for dinner, how was Ali this morning at drop-0ff, blah blah. I wrote back and said "just stop. Stop trying to act like we are OK, when we both know we are not. You are hurting my feelings even more"
I felt good saying this- it was my way of addressing what was going on without making it a huge deal at work. And it worked.
KK walked into the door last night, sat down, and apologized. It wasn't drawn out, it wasn't dramatic, it was straight-forward, well-thought out, and to the point. He recognizes that his interpretation of making my day special (staying home for the weekend instead of traveling with the team, painting Ali's furniture) was not my interpretation. He said he needs to do more to make me feel special, and that he knows he is not good at interpreting those situations, and it is something he needs to work on, and will work on.
Our conversation was quick, we moved on, and I feel like a huge boulder has been lifted off my chest. It makes me happy that he worked through everything by himself (I wish it wouldn't have taken him 2 days) but that he came out on the other side wiser and a better husband, and that he did it on his own accord, without my showing him in the right direction. We are making progress here, ladies!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday was my birthday. I am a firm believer that birthdays are meant to be celebrated. I try to make my family and friends feel special on their birthday- no matter how big or small I can make the celebration- I believe it is the thought that counts.
My husband did nothing for me on my birthday. He didn't forget, he just chose not to acknowledge the day with any special or thoughtful gesture. He did not make me breakfast, he did not give me a card, he did not have a gift- he did not even offer an excuse as to why he chose to not make my birthday special.
The thing is, this made me feel worthless. Like I am not special enough to him to even make an effort on my birthday. I feel like I make excuses for his unthoughtfullness and his inability towards being romantic or giving to me. I feel like an idiot for allowing myself to love and give my life to a man who can't even remember his wife on her birthday.
It isn't fair that he could not do some small gesture to show me that he remembers how special I am on my birthday. That's not OK- I am his wife- it is unacceptable for him to slide on this day.
Today is Day Two of me not speaking to him. I slept on the couch last night. On Sunday night, as we were laying in bed and the disappointment was setting in- I told him he hurt my feelings. He knew why and told me, but did not offer any explanation or apology. He barely even spoke to me when I brought it up. I have not spoken to him since then.. and I am now in a state of waiting. He tried yesterday to be nice and pretend like it never happened- offering to do things for me like pick up Ali from school and load my car for me this morning. But this time, this hurts my heart, and I don't want to let it go. This isn't fair to me, and this is not how I am going to have MY special day be for the next 60 years of our marriage.
I am sticking up for myself, and sticking to my guns. Because this hurts my heart. Not my pride, not makes me mad, it hurts my heart down deep- and that does not happen very easily with me. I hate being sad, and I hate living in a home with someone I am so saddened by, and now angry with, that I cannot even look at him. I hate that I am sitting in my classroom, my place of work, crying about this. And I want to cry harder, but I can't, because I am at work. I hate that I have to blog about something like this, and make a man who is otherwise a good person look bad and be judged by people who do not know him.
I feel broken, and I feel that this is not mine to fix. I just wonder how long it is going to take- and I do not even know at this point what I am expecting.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Makes me so very thankful for my babies and their health!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Ali loooooooovvvveeeesss kitty kitty, and is always on the lookout for cats in the neighborhood- this way, she has her very own - low maintenance- kitty kitty! I found this vinyl wall mural online... and She loves it! We have to go give it smoochies about 100 times a day :)
Those little figurines in the window sill are kinda hard to see... they are from my fairy collection, which I have had since I was a little girl. It was special that I found a way to pass them on to my girls :) and in a great place that they cannot touch! LOL
Thursday, February 11, 2010
So whenever I mention Valentine's Day to Kris, in any way shape or form- he says that I once told him I didn't like Valentine's Day- which I could of- but it was probably before we were seriously dating and I wanted to impress him and make sure he knew I wasn't high maintenance or something totally dorky like that.
Which really, I don't think Valentine's Day is that big of a deal- but I do think it is important that we pause on that day and tell each other how important we are to each other- because sadly enough, we probably don't do that enough. (We both suck at being romantic, seriously, I'm as bad as he is).
So on our first V-Day as a couple, I brought him a stupid card telling him he's hot or something cheesy, cause we weren't "in love" yet, and I didn't want to freak him out (this was when I was still trying to woo him into keeping me around forever). So on V-Day, we were hanging out, and at about 4:00 he said- I guess we better go get something to eat, in a restaurant, because it's Valentine's Day. And we better go now to beat the crowds. So we did, we went to my favorite Mexican Restaurant, Toro Viejo, and each had a seafood chimichanga and margaritas. And it was fun, and the food was muy bueno, and it was sooo not romantic. And that's the only Valentine's Day I can really remember of having any significance out of the 6 that we have spent together (see, I told you I was super romantic).
So on Sunday, I am going to present my husband with a card that Ali colored, and tell him how much I love him, and we are going to pick out carpet for Ali's big girl bedroom. Cause we are dripping with romance around our house... and really- who wants to see a 28 week pregnant lady in some lingerie?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
So one night, as I'm bathing Ali in a tub I just bleached and hoping that I got it all cleaned out so it doesn't burn her sweet angel skin... I thought that I was really going to put some research into creating a more natural home environment for my family, without compromising the effectiveness of the product (remember, I am a clean freak people).
After searching and researching, I have recently been introduced to a great company out of Southern Idaho that offers a huge range of AWESOME , earth-friendly products. I have begun converting my house over to using all-natural products- and these products REALLY WORK! I am so excited that my husband is happier, I feel like my baby, and my pregnant self are happier and healthier, and I just feel so good about what I am doing for the environment.
...come to find out, this company sells tons of great stuff for weight-loss/ supplements/ makeup/laundry/toothpaste and the list goes on and on.
I thought of a lot of YOU sweet people: my bloggy friends, and how we talk about all the harmful stuff that we are giving to our kids these days, and thought some of you might benefit from what I've found!
So... if any of you out there are interested in hearing about it- please email me and I would love to hook you up with my awesome find!