Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Broken

I don't even know where to start. I don't like airing my dirty laundry out on the internet, but I feel like I need to put my feelings down somewhere, to help me sort them out, and figure out what is going on in my life.
Sunday was my birthday. I am a firm believer that birthdays are meant to be celebrated. I try to make my family and friends feel special on their birthday- no matter how big or small I can make the celebration- I believe it is the thought that counts.

My husband did nothing for me on my birthday. He didn't forget, he just chose not to acknowledge the day with any special or thoughtful gesture. He did not make me breakfast, he did not give me a card, he did not have a gift- he did not even offer an excuse as to why he chose to not make my birthday special.
The thing is, this made me feel worthless. Like I am not special enough to him to even make an effort on my birthday. I feel like I make excuses for his unthoughtfullness and his inability towards being romantic or giving to me. I feel like an idiot for allowing myself to love and give my life to a man who can't even remember his wife on her birthday.
It isn't fair that he could not do some small gesture to show me that he remembers how special I am on my birthday. That's not OK- I am his wife- it is unacceptable for him to slide on this day.

Today is Day Two of me not speaking to him. I slept on the couch last night. On Sunday night, as we were laying in bed and the disappointment was setting in- I told him he hurt my feelings. He knew why and told me, but did not offer any explanation or apology. He barely even spoke to me when I brought it up. I have not spoken to him since then.. and I am now in a state of waiting. He tried yesterday to be nice and pretend like it never happened- offering to do things for me like pick up Ali from school and load my car for me this morning. But this time, this hurts my heart, and I don't want to let it go. This isn't fair to me, and this is not how I am going to have MY special day be for the next 60 years of our marriage.
I am sticking up for myself, and sticking to my guns. Because this hurts my heart. Not my pride, not makes me mad, it hurts my heart down deep- and that does not happen very easily with me. I hate being sad, and I hate living in a home with someone I am so saddened by, and now angry with, that I cannot even look at him. I hate that I am sitting in my classroom, my place of work, crying about this. And I want to cry harder, but I can't, because I am at work. I hate that I have to blog about something like this, and make a man who is otherwise a good person look bad and be judged by people who do not know him.
I feel broken, and I feel that this is not mine to fix. I just wonder how long it is going to take- and I do not even know at this point what I am expecting.

9 comments:

Alexa said...

I really wish I could come give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok. I know you only through this blog and it sounds like it is simply a man being a bit ignorant of their wifes feelings and not communicating. Through what I have heard, he loves you very much and just does not realize what he did. I would react the same way you are, and have. I actually had to instruct my husband in the beginning of our marriage that I expected, at the least, a card every holiday and birthday, lol.

You are a wonderful wife who deserves to be celebrated, he'll learn that he truly hurt your feelings, I am sure of it.

(((HUG)))

Girl from Pennsylvania said...

That sucks, no matter what the reason, that sucks. HUGS. Sometimes being married is hard.

FROGGITY! said...

it does stink, i know it must. a birthday is sacred to me as well (even though this year i didn't do very much for my hubby's b/c of morning sickness ... he was forgiving, thankfully!). it's not fun to be forgotten!

i think an apology goes a long way. it sounds like he's making an attempt... maybe if he said a simple 'sorry' and that he would work on it in the future? he may just not know how to apologize. ?? please excuse my forwardness... i am not trying to overstep bounds, i am just throwing things out there.

your feelings are valid. i believe you two will work it out. i will say some prayers for you!!

Sweetbabs said...

I have dealt with similar things many of times. To many to count actually.

My best advice it to talk about it. I know it is hard to talk about something that should be so obvious to your spouse but the truth is men just don't get it. Remind him that YOU are a person and have feelings like everyone else. Also remind him that you are in a relationship together and to make a marriage work and last you need to make each other feel special everyday and especially on Birthdays.

Pick up the book The Five Love Languages. It has help a bunch in making sure myself and my husband are getting exactly what we need from each other.

I hope that helped. :-) The truth is it has taken many fights before my husband actually got it. And even now it is still something I need to kindly remind him of every couple of weeks.
((((HUGS))))

Kerry said...

This sounds exactly what I go through every birthday, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, etc. My husband was so good about it when we were dating but as soon as we got married he's gone downhill. At first I would say that we needed to save our money but he has taken that as an excuse for every occasion for the past six years!

I'm learning that it's going to be up to me to teach me....over and over if I have to, that this is very important to me, and he needs to make the effort. Sweetbabs is right tho, men just don't get it.

Hang in there and above all else keep communicating! Hugs to you.

Andria said...

I'm not judging him. I think it's important for him to realize that love is not a feeling-- but a series of actions. Whether he thinks these type of holidays are important is irrelevant. It's important to YOU. And, he needs to acknowledge that.

So sorry, sweetie. Apparently, our weekends both really sucked. :(

Sweetbabs said...

P.s. Congrats for having the guts to share your problems. It makes you human and I have to say more interesting to read then the every single day post about how freakin cute our kids are. ;-)

It makes me feel less crazy for sharing every single insane detail of my life good or bad.

Real life problems= Human

And No one thinks less of your husband. He is a man and thinks differently period. We ALL go through that and if someone says they don't they are either in denial or completely lying!

Lindsay said...

Oh honey, I clicked on your post earlier as the doorbell was ringing and am just now settled back down to read. I'm sorry, I know you are hurt and a simple sorry would be a start. Sometimes I wonder just how the brain of a man works?? I would feel hurt too. It's ok that you blogged about this, writing was proven as one of the best outlets. You are the mother of his children and I also think your birthday is special. Would he think it was okay to not celebrate or tell Ali Happy Birthday. I have found that sometime I have to present things to my husband using our daughter as an example. Bottom line...their brain does not work the same way as ours does. I am sorry that he has upset you. Talk to him when you are ready, or maybe if it is easier write him a letter and y'all can talk about it after he reads it! xoxoxox hugs lovey!

Nanette said...

I'm sorry, Kelli. I'd be pissed, too. I hope he really understands his errors soon.

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