Out of bad news comes progress

My hubster is in Wenatchee today with the basketball team he coaches, so The Missy Pants and I have just been buddying around mommy-daughter style. We went and got groceries this morning, and Missy decided she was too big for her car seat- so I spent the whole trip holding her and steering the cart, it was real fun. And to top it all off... she peed right through her diaper- so there I was holding an increasingly heavy baby with wet pants, while trying to get all the stuff we need and not forget anything! I'm definitely bringing daddy with me next time :)

Other than that, the day has been pretty low key. I think Missy Pants might have a little tummy trouble- every time she has eaten today she has arched her back in pain and then vomited a little bit. I gave her some gripe water and it did seem to help, but poo baby just wants to be held all day and have her tummy rubbed :( needless to say, I postponed holiday decorating until tomorrow with daddy is home to help!

KK did call me from the road with some sad news- a really good friend of his- who was the assistant coach for his basketball team in high school- was diagnosed with lung cancer today. He is in his 60s and has been a smoker for most his life. As a child of two smokers (my mom is a closet smoker) I really took this to heart. I have wanted to talk to my mom for forever about this- but it is so hard to bring up. I bit the bullet tonight and emailed both her and my dad. I told them that I don't want Alison to grow up without her grandparents- and that we need them in our lives! I also found a bunch of websites that offer support to quit smoking. I was totally nervous as to how my mom would react- it has been kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" around our family to not bring up her habit.
Well I just checked my email, and my mom had responded. She said she was ashamed for her habit and was thankful I finally brought it up. She promised she would quit, and she sounded really heartfelt. We probably won't ever talk about it, but I really hope that this will be the changing point for her, and my dad. I cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have to face the world without my two greatest role models and supports. I fell hopeful and happy- I'll keep you posted!

Ok- my baby started to cry again... maybe a bath will help soothe the poor sweet angel?

Her little secret

My mom is a closet smoker. She has done it for basically my entire life: I can remember her smoking as a child, and then her and my godmother went through this big awakening and "quit". I was a little little girl when this happened, but I remember it clearly because I stole a piece of her nicorette gum and chewed it. Needless to say, that was not a fun taste or experience, forever burning it onto my mind.

Last weekend I went down to U of Idaho to watch the football game with my Dad. My dad is always very open with my brother and I, and I appreciate his ability to not only see us as his children, but as his best friends as well.
My dad is a smoker too, however, he does not try to hide it. The subject came up that I really want my dad to stop slowly killing himself with this awful habit. My dad is having surgery this month on his neck (he has some disks that are crushed and ruining his nerves) and he promised that the surgery will be the time he needs to stop. He also has a back up promise- if he cannot do it on his own he will get help. He knows it is important to me and his family to take care of his body, which made me happy to hear.

Now, back to my mom. My brother and I have always known she was smoking on the sly- she would go outside to "let the dogs out" and come back smelling stinky and smoky. Or we would come out to the garage and she would be frazzled and weird.
Neither my brother nor I have ever actually approached her about it because it is an awkward situation for us both. Well, I learned from my dad that my mom smokes a pack a day. A PACK!! I was figuring like 2 or 3 cigs a day to take the edge off... she's a nurse for crying in the night!

So now I'm worried. I'm worried she will develop lung cancer and my beautiful, kind, warm, loving momma will get sick. I'm so scared and worried about losing her early. I'm also angry at her for being so selfish and secretive. My dad said that she even hides it from her co-workers and best friends. It's a problem.

So, my dilemma is how to approach her. I don't even know how to talk to her about something like this, or how to bring it up. I was thinking of writing her a letter, that way she can see my feelings but not feel embarrassed or ashamed.

I don't want my mom to be ashamed. I don't want her to have a broken heart from my pain.


I just want her to quit.