Out of bad news comes progress

My hubster is in Wenatchee today with the basketball team he coaches, so The Missy Pants and I have just been buddying around mommy-daughter style. We went and got groceries this morning, and Missy decided she was too big for her car seat- so I spent the whole trip holding her and steering the cart, it was real fun. And to top it all off... she peed right through her diaper- so there I was holding an increasingly heavy baby with wet pants, while trying to get all the stuff we need and not forget anything! I'm definitely bringing daddy with me next time :)

Other than that, the day has been pretty low key. I think Missy Pants might have a little tummy trouble- every time she has eaten today she has arched her back in pain and then vomited a little bit. I gave her some gripe water and it did seem to help, but poo baby just wants to be held all day and have her tummy rubbed :( needless to say, I postponed holiday decorating until tomorrow with daddy is home to help!

KK did call me from the road with some sad news- a really good friend of his- who was the assistant coach for his basketball team in high school- was diagnosed with lung cancer today. He is in his 60s and has been a smoker for most his life. As a child of two smokers (my mom is a closet smoker) I really took this to heart. I have wanted to talk to my mom for forever about this- but it is so hard to bring up. I bit the bullet tonight and emailed both her and my dad. I told them that I don't want Alison to grow up without her grandparents- and that we need them in our lives! I also found a bunch of websites that offer support to quit smoking. I was totally nervous as to how my mom would react- it has been kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" around our family to not bring up her habit.
Well I just checked my email, and my mom had responded. She said she was ashamed for her habit and was thankful I finally brought it up. She promised she would quit, and she sounded really heartfelt. We probably won't ever talk about it, but I really hope that this will be the changing point for her, and my dad. I cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have to face the world without my two greatest role models and supports. I fell hopeful and happy- I'll keep you posted!

Ok- my baby started to cry again... maybe a bath will help soothe the poor sweet angel?

Thanksgiving success!

Missy Pants's 1st Thanksgiving went over fabulously! We hosted- which let me tell you was way more tiring with a 3-month old... but still was fun. Taking care of Missy Pants, along with cleaning my house (remember, no cookin' for me, thank goodness-my hubby is amazing!) and getting the table set, etc. made for one tired momma and baby! Missy must have know something was up, because she hardly napped all morning, so she was a cranky crankster when our guests arrived! Thankfully, a bottle saved the day, and she was happy enough to play in her chair and let us devour a wonderful meal! It was so nice to have my Grandma over, along with my parents, one of my uncles, and my little bro and his girlfriend- who by the way is great! My brother seems to be smitten by her, and she is totally cool and easy to get along with- so I'm givin the thumbs up and I hope wedding bells come (but not for like a year at least).

After all was said and done, we had a great time- the guests were gone by 5:30; momma and Missy Pants were asleep on the couch by 7:00!!! And Missy slept all the way until 3:30!!!!!! That is her longest stretch yet- I'm hoping we are on the way to a 10 hour night soon! Who knows with our little oinker- she just cannot get enough of those ba-bas lately :)

And today was such a nice, relaxing day. We got up at our usual 6:30- so early for a holiday weekend- but not so bad when you go to bed at 7:00 hehe... then we bummed around the house for most of the morning- I cleaned up what was left to do (which was not much-thanks mom and gramma!). And then I put up our Christmas lights outside!!

Usually I am not so excited to get into the holidays, but with our little girl around this year, it is so much more fun and meaningful! She is getting to where she can see everything too, she was really into the neighbors lights through her window when she was falling asleep tonight...

My mom also gave me two pre-lit fake trees she didn't want anymore, so I added those outside on the porch. I still have some lights to hang from the windows upstairs, as well as my wreaths; but the outside is almost complete!

KK goes to Wenatchee tomorrow with the basketball team, so I think I will take the opportunity to finish decorating inside.I might also put Missy in this cute Christmas sleep n play I bought her and take some pics for the calendars I'm making for the grandparents...super cheap and easy Christmas present that they will totally love.

To end the night of holiday bliss... it's snowing!!!!!!!!!!!

Gobble Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving To You and Yours! Remember to count your blessings... you will always find you have much for which to be grateful !

XOXOXOXO

~ Kelli

Random Crap and Stuff

I feel like this week is already flying by! I CANNOT BELIEVE that it is already going to be Thanksgiving on Thursday! Thursday also happens to be KK's birthday, so getting ready for two holidays, as well as getting all my grades due at school for 12 week progress reports, has made for a busy couple of days! Yesterday my mom and I went to Cabela's and split a pair of hunting boots for Kris. I really hope he likes them, and I am so excited to give them to him... his current pair are so stinky that I make him store them in the garage, on the side furthest from the door :)
We are also hosting Thanksgiving- we decided since having Ali that we will host every holiday- that way we don't have to worry about splitting time between our two families and hopefully miss all that hassle all together.
We hosted Thanksgiving last year- KK loves to cook so we really don't mind it at all. Although we do have to clean our house and get everything ready, I still really love being home and not having to worry about getting somewhere else.
This year we are having my grandma, my uncle, my parents, my little brother, and his new girlfriend. I'm really excited, because I have not met her yet (only spied on myspace), and my brother is totally head-over -heels for her. I'm sooo happy for him and she seems really sweet and cute, it's going to be so fun! This is the first time he has had a serious girlfriend since high school, so it's really neat for me to hear him talk about her and how cute he is about the whole thing.
I'm also excited because my crazy MIL will not be attending. That woman came over to the house on Sunday and proceeded to criticize me on her opinion that I was apparently dressing my daughter in a too small outfit. According to her, Missy Pants's toes were just too scrunched, and I should change her right away. She also "spoke" for Missy Pants, and told me that Ali preferred to sit up, not lay down like I had her, and that she wanted me to put her down to play instead of play with her myself. What I felt like saying was: thanks, Mother of the Year, for helping me know what is best for my daughter... since you did such an excellent job with your own son- oh wait- you were drunk for the majority of his life.... but instead I just sat there and bit my tongue.
I did not, however, bite my tongue when she put her pissy pants on when we mentioned our holiday plans. She was not happy about us spending Christmas at home. I told her the plan when KK was outside, and when he came back in, she proceeded to ask him what his thoughts where on spending Christmas at our house, instead of with his family- after I had just told her what we decided!! It made me so mad that she tried to undermine me like that- she is such a queen bizzo sometimes, I get so mad!! I've decided I am not going to appease her anymore- I don't care if she hates me- in fact, I welcome it. That woman needs to know her place. KK is my husband, not her little pawn- and our family is not for her to control. Oh she boils my blood- that woman!


And on a completely different note.... Missy Pants is now eating 7 oz of formula every 3-3.5 hours! I used to freak out about over feeding her- but seriously- she was sooo hungry when she was only eating 6 oz that she would scream after finishing her bottle and would be starving only 2.5 hours later. I'm hoping we are on the right track- poor baby cried for 1 hour straight last night until her mean momma finally fed her! I'm just gonna feed the oinky baby- she is so much happier with a full tummy!

Whoo Hoo for New Technology!

We got a new laptop today!! We have been talking about updating the Dell laptop my dad gave me about 4 years ago for a couple of months now... it was so full of documents and random files, plus dumb programs that pretty much eat up space...and today we went to Walmart and bought a new Toshiba! It's really nice and so much faster then the Dell- I'm so excited! My husband is sooo lucky that he will have this fancy schmancy machine to finish his master's degree on- our old comp was full to the brim with my documents, plus millions of media files (wonder who could be in those?)... so it's really nice to have an upgrade! Now I don't have to do all my internet work (i.e. shopping, facebook and blogging) when I am at work! I can actually surf the web at home in normal-time! I'm so excited!

Also, our little Miss -3- month- old is just coming to life! She can hold her head up on her own now, we put her in the bumbo for the first time yesterday and she loved it! She was looking at her feet like "hey, what are those things?" It was hilarious.
It is amazing how much she is changing and growing into her little personality... it's beginning to feel like she is reciprocating our love for her and it is so fun to interact with her!
Her favorite thing to do lately is look into the mirror at herself and mommy and daddy- she's pretty much obsessed with her reflection :) She also laughs and talks to us all day long- we're not sure at this point if we will ever be able to shut her up again!
We took her to her first (of many, many) basketball games last night at the high school. She totally loved looking around at everything (daddy was pissed because she was watching the cheerleaders more than the players, but I chalked it up to the shiny pon-poms... we hope!). She didn't even freak out at loud noises, like when the buzzer sounded or the band played- and she fell asleep about 45 mins into the game and didn't wake up once! We're glad she likes it in the gym- it will soon become her second home- daddy's season starts next week!
I just can't put into words how much I love, and how thankful I am, for our sweet little girl. She is such a blessing, and I love her more and more every single day. I'm trying to squeeze in as much time with her now... I'm waiting for the day when she tells me to quit giving her kisses all the time! Until then, she's subject to my infinite cuddling!

Hang up the Phone!

Screw Vonage. That is all I have to say about that company. In September, KK and I looked into having a home phone line installed just in case someone was at the house watching Missy Pants and didn't have a cell phone or something... so we wanted it for safety issues.
Well I researched it online and found the Vonage offered the best deal. So I signed up, got a local number, and we where all good.... WRONG!!!!!! The stupid number the damn lady gave me was NOT local at all- so people who would try to call us would have to dial long distance, even if they were calling locally. So, about 3 weeks ago, I called Vonage and said we want to cancel. Well this dumb lady told me that they would have local service in our area within the month, and to call back then and she would reassign me a number. So I called today, and NOPE, they did not have our area covered still. So I said, OK< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">freakin dollars!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so pissed- I went round and round with them- then finally got sick of wasting time on the phone, and hung up. So now I'm out almost $100 for a damn line I NEVER EVEN USED.
My blood is freaking boiling!

To all the Beautiful, Invisible Moms Out There...

Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!
Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.
We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

I survived!

My weekend with the father-in-law has passed, and I could not be happier to finally have MY family back to a somewhat state of normalcy. All in all, the visit was good and as expected. KK's relationship with his father is an interesting one as his father left when Kris was 8 and has not really made an effort until about 5 years ago to keep a regular part of his life. It is so strange for me because my family is so close and it was downright painful at times to struggle through conversations with a man we really don't know that well on a daily basis.
...Not to mention KK's dad is a hippie of types that believes in many conspiracy theories, which is just weird in itself... but he did really good with Missy Pants and was happy to be spending time with us- so it was good, but I'm hoping with all hope that it does not have to reoccur again within the next year (or ever- hehe).

The bright side of my weekend was that I did attend a neighborhood Bunco night-the first of monthly meetings among the ladies of my neighborhood. I live in a relatively new phase of my sub division, so all of us ladies have moved in around the same time. It was really nice to make those connections and have other mothers that I can depend on if I need a quick babysitter or to borrow a cup of sugar. I'm really looking forward to getting to know them better and having a fun place to live and for my daughter to grow up in.

Other than that, life around our house is settling back into a routine. KK started coaching basketball last week, so Missy Pants and are have afternoons together, which is kind of fun and relaxing. She is changing so much almost on a daily basis- it is amazing to see her personality come out!
I also put my foot down as far as KK's mother is concerned and told him it was appropriate to let her know that we are busy people and that weekends would work best for her oh-so-fun visits over to the house. Hopefully he follows through on this or he will have a not-so-happy wife to live with... and I can be downright nasty if I want to!

Thank you so much to all of you who left me kind messages of support to get me through the last couple of weeks! I love my bloggie buddies sooo much ! xoxoxoxo

Ali @ 12 weeks

My little gal is figuring out how to smile!

It gets worse

Kris's dad made it here last night... and announced he is not heading back home until MONDAY morning. That means our entire weekend will be devoted to entertaining our guest. That also means no time to just relax and reconnect with my family. You do not know how much I was looking forward to having Sunday afternoon to just be us.
I know Kris has a weird relationship with his dad and they are not close enough to really talk and be comfortable around each other, but I wish he could just ask him to leave on Sunday instead!

I really feel depressed. I have so much that I want to talk to my husband about, and there is virtually no alone time with his dad around. We have not had a moment's time alone- he got home Wednesday and was so rushed in trying to get his school stuff done and get settled back in before his dad's arrival that we ended up asleep at 7:45 without barely getting a chance to speak.
And I'm sure his crazy mom will have to be over at our house the second his dad leaves.. plus Kris is now in basketball season and will be at practices and then games until March... it's ridiculous.


OH and did I mention I have a terrible cold and my sinuses are so congested ? I can feel it in my gums (seriously) and I'm achy all over. I think Ali is getting sick again too- she woke up from last night's sleep throwing up- fabulous. All that I want to do when I get home is sleep.. not going to happen because the man has no experience with babies besides Kris and is not comfortable with Ali alone...

It's just so hard because Kris's dad really is a nice guy,and this is the only time he has ever seen Ali- but he has not concept of the fact that our family has not been OUR family in over a week. Did I mention that he invited someof his friends over to our house on Saturday? Yeah- so we get to entertain more people that we hardly know! It keeps getting better and better.
I really do not know how I'm going to make it through with a positive attitude. I know that in the whole scheme of things it will not be a big deal...
But I still feel like at any moment I could just crumble.
And my ignorant husband has no clue.

Why me?

So the weekend went pretty good considering my husband it out of town and I'm doing everything on my own. Taking care of Ali is the easy part. Trying to get everything ready for Kris's dad to come on Thursday has been a bit annoying.
Here is what's annoying: Kris is home Wednesday, his dad comes to visit Thursday, and will be here until Sunday. Kris starts coaching basketball Friday, so he won't even be home until 6 that night, and then he will be gone again Saturday morning until noon. So I get to entertain his dad, by myself, for a rough total of 9 hours. Not to mention this will be the 2nd weekend in a row that Kris and I don't really get to hang together.
Also, Kris has a crazy mother. Seriously, she is not normal by any stretch of the imagination. She lives here in town, and her story would take me an entire book to write, and I just don't have that kind of time and energy- so you get the short version. His mother used to be an alchoholic, until this summer when she had a crazy meltdown and we had to do an intervention. The woman has never been normal since I met her- she is a terrible house keeper and does not take care of herself: she doesn't even comb the back of her hair! She is 62 years old and looks and acts 80, it's amazing. I also harbor a lot of anger toward her because she was a horrible parent to my husband. He barely talks about his childhood, but from what I do know she never spent time with him or cared what he was doing.. just wanted him to get out of the house so she could drink or do whatever it was she did.
P.S. She's totally high maintainance.
So anyway, she stopped drinking over the summer, (which was fun to deal with when I was 8 months pregnant, by the way) and is now sober and more annoying then ever. She finds it necessary to come over to our house once a week to "see the baby." By "see the baby" I mean sit on our couch for 20 minutes without holding Missy Pants and then leaving the minute Missy starts to fuss or cry. She always comes at the worse time, usually right before dinner, and totally interrupts my day. She has nothing to talk about because she does nothing with herself all day.. and I don't feel sorry for her because she is totally capable. It is such an interruption to what I'm trying to do- between working and trying to wind down and get the Missy Pants all settled in the evening, the last thing I want to worry about is having her come over! I've talked to my husband about it a million times, but he thinks it is a good thing that she is getting out and being social. ArGhhhh!!! It's making me crazy!
So she calls me today and wants to see if Missy Pants and I are handling everything alright since Kris is gone- yeah, like she has any idea... and I tell her how stressed I am about getting the house cleaned and all my extra work done from school before Kris's dad comes and she says- oh OK, well I'll stop by tomorrow sometime to see the baby. What!? Are you kidding me!? Did she really just TELL me she was going to ruin my day tomorrow and come over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so annoyed! And I want to kill my husband even more now!
I don't even know how to handle it or what to say to him- it is excessive that she comes over once a week. And there is no purpose to it except maybe in her demented mind makes her feel wanted or useful and probably gives her something to do to get out of the house. But really, how long will this go on? I'm sure I could handle her a lot more if she would just give us space! Ahhhhhhh, I think I'm going crazy!

Just Us Girls

The hubster went outta town this morning until Wednesday... to a hunting trip in South Dakota (that was the subject of a huge fight, considering our current financial situation- which is all I'm going to say about that for now).

SO anywayz... Missy Pants and Mommy are on their own for the next 5 days! Usually I am happy for KK to get outta the house for awhile- it gives me a chance to regroup and get stuff done without someone bothering me... but this time- this 1st time he's left me since our girl was born- I had a really hard time.
I really need him: I need his help with the baby, and I need his support. Now that we have another little being depending on us to care for her 24/7, I could not imagine doing it on my own.
I guess I learned this morning that even though my hubs annoys the crap out of me most of the time, I still really depend on him and am so thankful that he is in my life.
He really is a good guy- a good partner, friend, and daddy.
We're working on becoming smarter spenders as a family- this trip he is on really opened his eyes as to how much our(his) lives have changed since having our baby, and I think that we are going to see an upswing in how and where we (him) spends our money.
So back to just me and Ali for 5 days- I'm planning to clean this house, relax a lot, cuddle cuddle cuddle with my little lovie bug, and also hang out with my momma and poppa :) Grammie is coming over to spend the night with us on Sunday night so she can watch our Missy Pants on Monday- and Granpa is coming over to hang with us for a bit today! I'm excited because I want to get some pics of the G-paws holding Missy Pants- I'm going to make a calender for them "12 Months of Ali" for Christmas!
Ok- we're off to bath time! Have a good weekend everybody!

Rock the Vote

I voted yesterday and was VERY happy to see the outcome of the election. I went to bed feeling hopeful for the America that my daughter will be raised in- something I have not felt in recent years. One thing is for sure, it will be a lot different then the White America I was raised in!

As a public educator, I am also anxious to see how and what sanctions change in the education realm and what the impact will be: I have yet to "work" for a Democratic President.. and I am hopeful that my job will become less about test scores and more about helping children grow as individuals as well as get a good education.

I am not a very political person and avoid social debates at all cost.. it just isn't that conducive to me to have to defend my position or get all fired up over politics, and I am respectful and so thankful that we live in a country that allows people to hold their own beliefs and viewpoints. My desire for the coming years is to see a better economy and country... one that I can be proud to call my home.

Happy Halloween

Since Missy Pants is so little we decided not to dress her up in a costume this year.. and put in her some cute clothes instead!

Daddy had to be at the football game at the high school, so instead of trying to hand out candy by myself (along with a 2 month old and 2 overly-friendly dogs), I went over to my mom and dad's to relax and hang out. We had garlic-chicken pizza and ate all the Halloween candy she had bought (they only got 2 trick-or-treaters the whole night!). I then snuck home around 8:00 and ba-hum-bugged it upstairs in my bedroom with all the lights turned off... hey, I really wanted to get some sleep and there were 5 gillion kids running around my neighborhood- that's a lot of candy!

Even though Missy Pants has been letting us sleep a good 8 hours the past 3 days, I still find myself just drained when I get home from work. Last night I finally felt like I caught up on my sleep, and today I feel so much more positive and refreshed: it really is amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you!
It is also an amazing start to your day when you wake up to your daughter cooing in her bed, and she flashes you a gigantic smile when you say good morning :)