Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Biter

We are having a little problem with one of the boys in Ali's classroom at daycare. The boy also happens to be Ali's best friend- he lives right behind us, and we are pretty good friends with his family. The problem is, the boy is a stinkin biter! He bites Ali, as well as the rest of the kids in the class, on an almost daily basis. He bit Ali's arm last week to the point of bleeding, and yesterday he left another huge welt on her shoulder.
I feel so bad for his parents, because they feel helpless to curve the behavior. They are starting to blame the daycare, because how they discipline him at home (spanking) is not how the daycare does or can discipline him. The kid does not respond to being put in time-out, and his mom is getting frustrated that no other option has been presented. She has met with the director of the daycare numerous times- who says it is simply a phase he is going through because he is teething- that it will pass. But that answer isn't good enough- because in the mean time, my daughter, as well as other people's children, are bearing the brunt of this nasty habit. Of course we are upset, but I also feel for my friend- she is at such a loss. I suggested sending hot sauce with him, and asking his teacher to give him a drop when he bites. I also told her to make an appointment with his doctor to maybe get some tips and tricks.

This whole situation just puts our family in a tough spot. Yeah, we are pissed that this kid keeps diving into Ali's skin- biting is not only a very physically painful problem, it can also be very dirty and infectious. I am not mad at our daycare teacher, because her hands are kind of tied legally on how she can handle it. I just wish EVERYONE involved (i.e. his parents and the director of the daycare) would be more proactive in figuring out how to curb the behavior.... so I'm asking you, dear, smart mothers out there- what is a good solution?


Alexa said...

AWWW, poor Ali and poor kid with the behavior problem! Blair has often been a bitee (ok, not sure of the word). They are not technically allowed to tell us who is doing the biting, but everyone usually can figure it out pretty quick. I have tried the spanking when Blair has been a bad boy for throwing a toy or something, but honestly, the most effective thing is the time outs. It sucks cause you have to really train them on the time outs and be really consistant. You have to stay on top of them when they try to get out of time out.

Everyones child is different though...too bad daycare is not responding the way everyone wants, I would just keep in mind that they have a wealth of knowledge when it comes to child behavior. OH! Sometimes our daycare would seperate the kids for a while (or the one kid rather). Blair has not been biten for a while now, maybe it worked :).

Hope you are feeling well, how is the pregnancy going? I am so curious how the second pregnancy is compared to the first.

Gemini said...

I think everything you suggested sounded good. The ex and I went through this with blue eyes, but the problem with the child that bit him was antisocial and the teachers kept putting blue eyes next to him. My question for his doctor would be...what is the larger issue. Most children do not bite because of teething, at least in my experience?

Lindsay said...

Oh no poor Ali bear!!!
Does this child have other siblings? Gosh, I'm sorry. A friends daughter was biting, but it was because she had an older sister that would take things away from her and that was how she expressed herself. Not that it is right, but there has to be an under lying problem. I don't think teething would be it???

FROGGITY! said...

what a sticky situation!!! i am sure it really IS a phase, but that stinks in the meantime. maybe the mom should look the kid right in the eyes daily and say: 'if you bite today you WILL get spanked when you get home.' (or is he not old enough to understand??) i have to explain not to throw tantrums to LL EVERYTIME we're in a store parking lot. if she messes up, there will be repercussions later. at first she didn't get it, but then she DEFINITELY caught on!

Sweetbabs said...

I have no idea about how to best get this situation under control. But I can suggest a book for said parents to read to their child to help the child understand better why biting is not nice. Lorelei loves this book and we have yet to have any problems with biting. The book is Teeth Are Not For Biting by Elizabeth Verdick. The last page of the book is for the parents to read over to get more helpful hints on how to better help their child deal with teething pain. I hope this helps. Poor Ali and poor you guys. What a hard situation to be put in.

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