Thursday, February 5, 2009

At Peace

My hubster and I had a great conversation about my MIL.. and I am finally feeling at peace about her and our situation.  I have been praying that my heart would change towards her, and I think I finally have a break through.  
**You can see the back-story here and here

She made us dinner last night- which was a very kind gesture because we have been busy keeping Ali healthy- and KK went over to pick it up.  When he got back, he told me that she went to the doctor and that she is doing so much better health-wise. She has been seeing him once a month to monitor her recovery, and this was the first visit the doctor felt comfortable enough to have her come back in 3 months. So on the health-front- much improved!
Her and KK  have also been talking about her remodeling her home- it hasn't had an update since it was built in the 1970s and she is not the best housekeeper.. so you can imagine (pink carpet upstairs, kelly green carpet in the basement, carpet in the kitchen- TERRIBLE).  
So KK is going to help her tear out the carpeting downstairs and scrap the popcorn ceiling off... and it was nice to hear that she has motivation to change and improve her surroundings.  
This is the first time since I have known her that she is working on improving something about her.  I really think she is overcoming her alcoholism and taking control of her emotional well-being.  Her desire to improve  her home is a reflection of how she is feeling emotionally, and things are looking really positive.
I also told KK how I felt about her- something I do not do very often because he is always so defensive about it... but I explained to him that I hold a lot of frustration and anger at how she raised him, and it is so hard for me to forgive her for that because I love him so much.  I also told him that my feelings are still hurt that she did not EVER give any thought or try at all when I was pregnant, and now that Ali is here she cannot get enough of us.  Of course I'm leaving out a lot of details because I'm not a detail oriented person :) but overall it went really well and I think it helped both of us to be on the same page about her. 
One thing I need to keep in the front of my mind is that we are all she has.  KK is her only son and she is a single woman with hardly any friends and absolutely no hobbies.  She is a recovering alcoholic living in a world she has not known in her adult life.  She spent 40 years living under the veil of a functioning alcoholic, and it is unrealistic for me to think she can just pick up and live her own life and leave us alone.  
All in all, I feel at peace with the situation.  I still do not want to be her best friend and hang out, but I do feel more accepting and willing to give her leeway in being a part of our lives on a weekly basis.  My heart feels so much lighter today: We're making strides toward improvement, and it's a great feeling.


Girl from Pennsylvania said...

I'm so glad you had a talk about it. But damn. I know how hard it is to have those talks. My husband is very defensive of his mom since I don't have the best relationship with her. I think it makes me feel like he values her more than me which makes me even madder.

Gawd. Marriage is hard.

KDLOST said...

that's great! it's good that you all are coming along ... and it sounds like you're a good daughter in law. you care about her which is awesome.

i also tagged you on my page... hope that's not out of place, i know this is a serious post...

Sweetbabs said...

I am glad things are going better. in laws are interesting.....I have it pretty easy with mine I like them all better then my own family. You are doing a great job holding it together. (((hughs)))

Lindsay said...

Well good, I'm so glad. I know that added stress of conflict with the IL's can be tuff! It a step and I'm glad you feel at peace! :)

Kiss the Miss!!!

P.S. I still can't believe Jen's pkg has been lost. You have got to be kidding me. I'm holding on to hope...until tomorrow at least! Then, I will remake her order! That really ticks me off,I have never had a pkg get lost! Guess there is a first time for everything though! Does it count that AA lost my luggage one time?? My friend and I were those people who watched that ONE suitcase go around and around!! Haha, yep we landed in Texas and our things went to Georgia! :)

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